Insemula Awareness

1. WHAT IS INSEMULA? (Sportula cynocephalus)

 Insemula is an incredibly rare onset condition that blocks the codons in the amino acid production in the human body. It is a survivable condition but may have detrimental effects on the brain's processing and functioning. In a few rare cases, it has been proven to be a link to autism and incredible growth of the genitals. It also has link to schizophrenia. These are because of the hormonal changes that may occur as insemula permeates through the bone marrow of the spine. 

2. WHERE DID INSEMULA COME FROM? 

 Insemula has its origins from a recessive gene traced back to Scottish and Welsh men. It is believed it is due to the high number of goats herded and the evolution of the genes to meet the goat herding conditions. However, the gene is very rare and did not originally make its appearance in Scottish and Welsh men who manage to block the trait due to adaptation and immunity to the disease. The disease was first observed in India in 1867 in a boy named Emula Abercrombie, the son of a Scottish soldier and an Indian bellydancer/chambermaid. The trait was believed to be passed down through the Scottish father, but the boy's Indian genes were not accustomed to the impact of the Sportula cynocephalus. Thus the disease was born and continued to spread through sexual contact and in more recent strains the exchange of sound waves. The voice of an insemula-effected person has been said to be able to worm dogs and actually has healing properties to the immune Nepalese tribe of the Ug'bukti. They worship Emula as an idol in their temple.

a picture of Emula circulated on currency throughout Nepal

3. WHAT ARE THE EFFECTS OF INSEMULA?

The first signs of insemula include certain obsessions, namely with colors associated with adjectives, like the "small blue" or the "big brown." These word associations and obsessions can be tied to schizophrenia and autism, further results of insemula. These can cause the inflicted to act irrationally in situations involving death or food. Diagnosis is a lengthy process and can take up to a month. It is said that many psychiatric methods can lead to a quick diagnosis, such as the Stroop Test or the Pavlov experiment. Those with insemula are no longer subject to traditional conditioning, a sign of the protein production of acetylcholine, an important protein in glycolysis, shutting down. A substitute formula of goat's milk and whiskey can help replace this. Sweaty palms and abdominal pain have also been reported. If you possess either of these symptoms, see a doctor immediately.

In untreated cases, insemula can lead to autism and schizophrenia. It can also lead to a very rare side condition dubbed the "a-bound,"representing the lack of a-enzymes in the cell membrane. Those with insemula are also seen to put themselves woefully in embarrassing situations. Strange dances and slurred voice are prevalent side effects as well. Another effect, known as the Samadrela Effect, named after the world famous Indian scientist, can cause the afflicted to describe themselves using adjectives that don't make sense. The first known case of this was Emula himself, describing himself as "the nuturing one." This may have been due to Emula's childhood obsession (caused by insemula) with nutria rats.

4. HOW CAN WE PREVENT INSEMULA?

Insemula can be prevented through 3 simple methods. The first is to never speak to Indian people as they may be susceptible to the recessive trait. In more modern times, this method has proven to spark much controversy in the medical community, and defenders of social justice argue this method was only made up by "racist old coots."

The second method is to live in Scotland in prolonged periods of time around goats to build an immunity to the disease. In many rare early onset cases, people's insemula has actually been cured, and remission was achieved after nuzzling with a goat for a period of 3 hours in a sauna daily. Some herbal teas high in protein and also containing various meats are also said to have some restorative properties, but modern medicine claim these teas may not have pleasant effects on the development of the taste buds or personality.

The third method is to wear a medical mask at all times while leaving your house. This method was adopted in Japan, a country relatively close to India. Just look at the statistics, 20% of people do not leave their homes without their masks, and Japan's insemula rate is close to .0001%, the lowest in the world behind Liberia. Even in the Japanese media, these masks can be observed in order to promote awareness of insemula. Furthermore, Japanese scientists are very close to developing a treatment for insemula.

Thank you for your time.
-The Emula Foundation of America.